Nepenthe

I’m not supposed to feel like this on a Tuesday.

The Tuesday before the Friday of my birthday.

Nothing’s wrong, but I don’t know what’s not right.

I’ve tried medicating myself with the sugar from my early birthday cake and the lollipop and chocolate my siblings bought me.

I’ve tried to bask in whatever little sunshine there is.

I’ve tried the music route, been listening to my favourite rock songs since morning.

I haven’t talked to my friends in a while. I haven’t seen them in a while. I’ve had opportunity for both, but I get tired just thinking about it.

I can’t even engage on social media. My Facebook wall has been reduced to occasionally posting random quotes because my brain is tired and I happen to have internet.

I was going to bake a cake for my co-workers on my birthday, but now I don’t know if I care or not.

I’m supposed to write, deadlines are catching up, but I’m still here looking at my keyboard. The stories are there in my head, but I get so tired just thinking about it.

I feel like I’m floating, not necessarily away from people but apart from them. I’m not sure that I care enough to find an anchor to hold on to.

I’m not supposed to feel like this on Tuesday.

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