It was hot yesterday. That muggy kind of hot, the kind you don’t really register until you stand and you’re sweating in places that shouldn’t be wet without stimulation. Not that I remember what that felt like, but anyway….
I was seated most of yesterday, just writing and being in the company of great people at Jalada Mobile Master Class. So after lunch (they gave us food. That was sweet, and unexpected) still seated, I felt some wetness down there. I got up with the intention of going to the loo try to check out what was happening, but when I snuck a peek at my seat, it was also wet.
SHIT! SHIT! FUCK!
I sat down in my seat hard. I think my heart even skipped a couple of beats.
We were seated in a U-shape, and the toilets were behind me. It was a relatively short distance, but there was no way I could get from my seat to the toilet without being in everyone’s line of vision, unless I wanted to try a lil moonwalking (yeah….Try explaining that)
That’s when I started praying:
“Heh Mungu, nionekanie! Aki you can’t let me be embarrassed like this again
Si you remember KCSE week?
What have I done now? Aki I’ve been sorta good. I thought You had my back, you know. You see what I’m wearing? Yellow. Not even forgiving-maybe- pastel yellow, but HI!I’M HERE! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! LOOK.AT.ME yellow.
Aki God, I like these people, and more importantly, they like me. You know how rare that is.
Just kill me now. Sitaki aibu ndogo ndogo.”
We had ten minutes left on the clock, so I thought I would let everyone leave and then stand and access the damage. So there I was,seated listening to the closing remarks to end and pretending to be deeply engrossed in folding my papers just right,when Moses says, ” Thank you for coming, blah blah blah, and since you’re here, you can help me arrange stuff for the next session. ”
Oh, what fresh hell is this? Lord. Jehova. Ngai Baba. Ululululu…and accompanying hand motions. On the inside. Outside I was a calm front of good vibes and harmony.
I had to stand up eventually, so I turned to my neighbour Angela and told her to check the back of my skirt because I was scared I’d made a mess. I could even bare to look with her.
All good, she said, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I still went to check and double check.
It was a looooooong ten minutes.
Moral of the story: #allblackeverything